How Do You Raise a Pre-Teen?

It's been a full week since Little Miss has been coming over after school every day for homework. The failing grades are still coming in, but all of those tests were from before she started coming over. I found out her mom wants to pick her up every day at 6pm. This really hinders her getting any real quality homework/study time. Not that 3 hours after school shouldn't be enough, but she is struggling in every subject. And two days a week she has volleyball. We cut back the volleyball to only the first hour instead of the second hour. So that should give us more time. And this week, we had to take her to buy a Halloween costume for her school dance. Her uncle also took her to go shopping for her birthday gift, which I was really against. It was a school night and it hindered her completing her homework. So I was a little ticked. She also lied about several assignments this week. Just the stricter homework environment and studying with her isn't going to help if she is lieing about assignments, not writing homework down, etc. Her father told her that she has to do every extra credit project given from now on. This is something I tried to encourage her to do, but she simply refused. I told her if she tries to pull another stunt like lieing about an assignment again, she won't be allowed to go to vollyball at all. I just don't know how to get through to her that this stuff is important. That lieing is not okay. That she has to study and pay attention. She's interested in boys now so that is distracting her, along with new friends. And more difficult material makes it hard to pay attention. And we understand all of that. But it's like the kid isn't even trying. She doesn't care. Nothing seems to phase her. It's like she's given up. I can't get through to her; I can't figure out why. She's always upset, and I know part of it is because now she is being forced to work harder at school stuff. But there are so many other things so much deeper that she doesn't share. It's hard to talk to her, too, because the only time I have with her alone, we aren't really alone - The Bean is there, begging for all of my attention. I should just get a sitter for a little while sometimes and take her out for hot cocoa or something. I just hate that everytime we talk, I have to pull any information out of her. It's more that I don't like feeling like I am making her talk about something she doesn't want to. And if she doesn't want to, then is she really telling the truth? I don't want to make her upset or uncomfortable, but I want to know what is really going on inside that little noggin of hers. She just seems so troubled all the time. If that weren't the case and it was just the school assignments, I wouldn't be so worried. But she is so easily influenced and she is so upset all the time. I just can't let it go. Hopefully we will start making some progress soon.

On another note, it seems like The Bean's birthday was celebrated for a week! Which I am not a fan of. I don't want him to think that he is always getting presents. He was given gifts on his actual birthday, the Saturday following his birthday, that Sunday and again yesterday. I don't know if it's that I don't want to spoil him or if I am afraid him not getting as much next year and being disappointed.

I would really like to raise them to not expect to get everything you want, to understand that they are lucky and that not everyone has as much as they do. I know Little Miss doesn't think she/we have very much; The Bean is too young to know the difference, obviously. I've been saying for 2 years now that I want to sign up to volunteer with her at a soup kitchen, but the first year The Bean was just born and now I am working 56 hours a week. I can't believe another year is almost over already.

New job is going well I think. I got my first paycheck. Much nicer than what I've been getting elsewhere. They did put the wrong pay rate in, so I have to ask them to adjust that. I feel like that's a bit awkward. And my now part time job is still taking out insurance from my checks, even though I am now part time. So I have to ask them to knock that crap off and give me my money back. They don't offer part time employees benefits, so why are they still taking my money? Is it to benefit me? Can I still use it? My insurance at the other place won't kick in for a bit, but to be honest, I don't intend on staying until my insurance starts with them. I'd rather just cut it off and get the money back. It's more than $70 per paycheck. And I need that money. I'm trying really hard to save up to pay things off and get back on our feet. I like my new job, but I'd like it even more if I weren't living in my in-laws house.

I need my own space. My kids need their own space. I can't feel like a burden. I also can't feel like I can't raise my kids my way because I am living in someone elses house, who have their own ideas about raising kids. Me and my in-laws don't see eye to eye on much. My fiance and I discuss the kids all the time and talk about raising them, disciplining them, etc. If we don't agree on something, we figure out something we can both agree to. I know that they (my inlaws) don't know this and they see me doing more of the disciplining, and just assume my fiance has no say. But it kind of went without saying that I am the Bad Cop and my fiance is the Good Cop. I am fine with this. He is laid back and I am pretty damn uptight, so it makes sense. The other day my son did something minor, like throw a toy and, not that I condone it but he was cranky and it was late for his nap time, but my future MIL was like "Oh, that deserves a spank!" - to me, not to him as if warning him. I just kind of quick sideways glanced in her direction and sternly told him "No, we don't throw toys. If you do it again, you will go in time out," then took him upstairs for a nap. Tonight when I was trying to get him upstairs for a bath, he blew raspberries in my face, basically spitting in my face. I told him that we don't do that; when he did it again, he got a good little spanky on his bottom. I think there are times when a kid needs a little spank, but most of the time it's not necessary. I know people voice their opinions and whatnot, but hearing someone's opinion that you very rarely agree with all the time gets really frustrating. Especially when it's concerning your parenting.

I am really looking forward to not working this part time job anymore. I'd like some more energy and to be able to relax and enjoy some down time with my fiance. Maybe even go on a date. We haven't been out alone on a date in over 8 months. Not out to dinner, forget a movie. Maybe the second weekend I don't work, I am getting a sitter and going on a date with him. We really need it.

Thanks for reading.
Peace & Love,
Emily

Step-Parenting

Growing up I always knew one thing. That I wanted, more than anything else, to be a mom. As a child I dreamt of being a teacher so I could help other kids. As a young teen I babysat and worked at camps. The older I got, the more I planned my life ahead of me, thinking I would be happily married, have finished college, have a career, a house and a family... by 25. How delusional was I? Of all the scenarios I played out in my head, never in a million years did it dawn on me that I might be someones step-mother one day. Lo and behold, before I even had a chance to have my own children, I was given the gift of this child in my life. My "pseudo-step-daughter". Little Miss was just 6 when her father and I began dating. Now she is 11. We are engaged and she has a little brother (The Bean).

When I was a kid, I thought - I can do anything. I'd be a great mom. How hard could it be? Then came Little Miss and I was thrown into a whirl wind of chaos and who gets her when and what about holidays and where are her clothes and you said WHAT to her? At least then I had my own mother to talk to about things. The "is this normal?" questions. The "how do I handle this situation?" stuff. (What I wouldn't give for her advice lately.) Then I found out I was pregnant and thought "I can do this." What a shock when The Bean was born. I knew it would be hard. But I never would have imagined how difficult it would be. All of those difficulties considered, I think being a step-parent is more difficult than being a parent to your own child. The borderlines, the gray areas, the cross of parent and friend, the other parent that isn't your partner and the relationship with them, your ideas of raising kids vs the biological parents' ideas of raising kids - do they concur or disagree, communication, so much more... A lot of these things are part of being a parent to your own also. But there is a whole other level of stress involved when dealing with kids that aren't yours. When it boils down to it, Little Miss isn't my child. I treat her like she is my own flesh and blood, yes. But she isn't. And it hurts my heart to love her as much as I do and see her struggle so much. My hands are tied in so many situations. And even though we always have her best interests at heart, because of their custodial agreement, her mother has the last word. So when we think things aren't being done the best way possible or things aren't being followed up on or she needs something she isn't getting (physical, emotional, educational needs, etc.), it really doesn't matter what we say because we can't really enforce anything outside of our house.

But how do you handle an 11 year old girl? Do you stay tough or try the "be her friend" thing? The friend thing hasn't seem to have worked for her mother. She does whatever she wants at her moms house. When she comes to us, if she has schoolwork to do, she knows I mean business. I know she can be successful if she tries. But she doesn't try. You can't force a kid to try in school. You can't force them to pay attention in class, to write notes, copy down their homework. So what do you do? Hope they make the right choices? That doesn't really seem like a good enough answer for me. I'm at a loss. I need some guidance.

Thanks for reading.
Peace & Love,
Emily

Time & Stress

It always seems like so much time passes so quickly, but then it's only been a few days. But all of a sudden, another year is gone. Little Miss turned 11 just a few days ago. I shouldn't say all of a sudden, but it certainly seems like out of nowhere her attitude has become bigger than the room. She has so many people wrapped around her finger and she knows just how to work everyone. This has always been the case, but I am really not okay with it twisting around to seem like I am an evil step mother. I've always done what I think is best for her and I always explain what is going on and why. If she doesn't understand why she is in trouble, I explain. If she doesn't agree, I listen to what she has to say. So I really do not like when people think I am mean to her all the time and too hard on her. In the last 4 and half years I think I have really yelled at her maybe a dozen times, if that much. I'm stern with her, but I rarely raise my voice. It's frustrating to give so much of yourself to help a child, especially when they aren't your own, to have other people treat you negatively because they don't know anything.

Then The Bean turned 2 years old today. I worked all day and barely got to see him. But what really got me was that everyone else opened his presents with him. We are having a dinner for him on Saturday. It could have waited. He wouldn't have known the difference. Even his father. I would have liked to have been there to see him enjoy all of that and I missed it. I know there will be other birthdays, but I would never have allowed that to happen if I were home with him. It's a special day that both of his parents should enjoy with him. End of story.

The new job has been going well. Everything else seems to be extra stressful though lately. I'm not enjoying anything right now. It seems like I am just so unhappy lately. Shouldn't a new job and a pay increase help alleviate stress? Instead it just seems like its highlighting all the other things that aren't falling into place yet. I know not being home with Gene during the day is hard on me, too. I miss him so much and don't get a lot of time with him. It's horrible.

We eliminated alcohol from our lives at the beginning of September and it seems like all I think when I am stressed is "I could really use a drink." That really bothers me. It's not like I drank a lot before. But not having that option seems to be hard on me. Harder than I'd like to admit. I really think I could use a break from the stressors in my life. Big time. I just need some space away from everyone.

Thanks for reading.
Peace & Love,
Emily

Pushing it.

Where do I start? It's been 5 days and I feel like I have so much on my mind. I am pushing myself to my limits right now. For starters, my first day at the doctors office was Monday. I didn't have to stay until 7pm, which was nice, since I worked the overnight on Sunday night and had to work the overnight on Monday also. I lasted most of Tuesday alright aside from a headache from being overtired. I fell asleep with The Bean at 7:30pm and pretty much stayed asleep until 6am Wednesday morning, rolled over and went back to sleep for a little over an hour more. The week went well, nothing major. I think I have got the hang of most of the work, but couldn't do it on my own yet. It's a lot of phone calls and a very busy practice. I am back at work at the hotel doing another overnight shift. My fiance has work 9am until 10pm tomorrow so I'll be up with the kids all day and then have to work Saturday overnight. It's going to be rough; my week looks something like: Sunday into Monday, Monday day, Monday into Tuesday, Tuesday day, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday day, Friday into Saturday, Saturday into Sunday. That is 72 hours in a 6 1/2 day period. I am definitely not interested in doing this for very long. I told my manager that I would like for my last weekend here at the hotel to be the weekend before Thanksgiving, which actually gives her an additional 5 weeks to find someone, not including this one. I was thought it was only 4. I was going to try to go up and visit my dad Thanksgiving weekend. There is no work at the doctors office Thursday or Friday, so I thought if I head up on Wednesday then I could stay until Sunday. That's a lot of time. Though I think I would get a hotel room. I was going to ask both of my brothers if they want to join me and The Bean. It would also help in splitting the room cost. Four nights, even at a cheap motel, adds up. I would get a hotel room because I wouldn't want The Bean around smoking inside. I don't even like that my in-laws smoke around the kids outside and he breathes it in. So I know I don't want him around it for 5 days. Plus, it will be colder so we won't be outside that much. And there is all the Third Hand Smoke on the couch, in the rugs, on the bedding, even if my dad and brother were to agree not to smoke inside while he was there (which they wouldn't). Usually he is hunting then, but if we go up, maybe he wouldn't go. It'd be nice if he put us before hunting once in a while.

Little Miss is going to turn 11 on Sunday. I can hardly believe it. We are hopefully taking her apple picking on Sunday and then having a family dinner for her that evening. Her dad has work though, but he was at least able to get coverage for the afternoon/evening part of his shift so he could be there for the dinner. There are a few things I have trouble with though. Her lack of effort in school really bothers me, but the lack of enforcement at her full time home bothers me more. She still doesn't sleep in her own bed, doesn't shower properly, and basically lacks in personal hygiene. What also really bugs me is that her mothers financial woes are a burden on her. No 10-11 year old child should even know their parents financial status, let alone be made to feel like the things they need are a burden. But hey, don't let me stop you if you would rather buy her an iPhone and then tell her you have no money for a posterboard for her school science project. I don't want to get into too much because I'd probably regret typing it later. I just hope Little Miss grows up seeing the difference between her two households and chooses to pull good habits from our side.

Happy Birthday, Little Miss!

Like a Good Bra...

Support is important. I always knew it was important, but I don't think I ever realized how important it really is. I never really let anyone help me, from carrying groceries in the house (no, I can handle all twelve bags on my own with a kid on my hip) to staying up all hours in college because I didn't see the point of study groups. So it's kind of a new concept for me. I'm very "I can do it on my own; I don't need anyone's help". Very bull-headed, stubborn. So when we moved into my future in-laws house at the end of May, it was very disheartening for me. It was not only a huge blow to my ego, but really made me fear for my relationship. I was so afraid that we wouldn't survive living in his parents house. I was nervous that on top of the financial strain we were/are under, that his family influence would really keep me down. It took me a while, but I have started to let go of the controls a little bit. And in letting go, it means I had to let people help me. I had to really stop thinking that people trying to help me was them putting me down and thinking I couldn't do it on my own, but more them wanting to help me succeed. I had to let others, almost rely on them, to watch The Bean so I could get a couple hours of shut eye when my fiance had a late night at work. That was really hard for me. Coming from a position where I was a SAHM and the main person in my sons life, to "letting go of the reigns" and letting his (oh my gosh) father take care of him (what a concept), to letting family who adore him take care of him for a few hours. And wouldn't you know it, my kid survived! How nutty! I really feel like I need to be in control of things. And by "things" I mean everything in my life. And I guess when it all boils down, that isn't fair. To me or anyone else in my life. So, I've been letting go and letting people in, which means I've been more open. So I have been giving my future family more of a chance instead of putting a blockade on my ears and not listening to anything they have to say about anything and thinking I know better. My future MIL has been a big support in everything I do. From my crafts, to my decisions with my son and step-daughter, to my work and my relationship with her son. She understands my point of view more than I ever thought she would. I always felt like I really wanted a MIL that would be like a second mom. And for a long time, I never gave her to opportunity. But I am so happy to say that, once I finally opened my eyes (and my heart), that is exactly what I have. I am so grateful for her. At this point, I don't know what I would do without her. So here is a big "Thank you" to my future MIL.

I start the new job in 3 hours. Yay! 10 hours at the office, a couple hours of sleep and then my last overnight shift (followed by another day at the office). I'm so excited to start, but am more looking forward to Wednesday and Thursday when I won't be so exhausted. It's going to be great. The only downfall is... I will miss my son so much!! :(

Thanks for reading!
Peace & Love,
Emily

Hayrides, Pumpkins and Rides, oh my!

Today we planned on going apple picking again, but it was not in the cards. So we went to a pumpkin patch at a farm nearby instead. Not only did it have a little place to pick your own pumpkins, but it had pony rides, hay rides, a "spud slinger", and a whole area that was like a mini fair, with a maze, silo slide, little cow train and a zip line. It was called Colonial Springs Farm. They were super duper organized and clean. Well-priced and a really good time. I was glad we got there when we did. It wasn't incredibly early, about noon, but by the time we left at 3pm, it was packed! 

My two chickadees

My beautiful step-daughter

The Bean was not a fan of this ride when it started, but he started enjoying it shortly after.

Zip-Line!

Maze

Slide - she fell every time

Picking Pumpkins by the stem. Tsk Tsk

Helping out her brother. Teamwork makes the dreamwork.

I don't care that this picture is terrible, I still absolutely LOVE it.

Gosh, I love these two. The Bean and Little Miss

Everybody say "Cheese!"

I then cleaned a 5 shelf bookshelf that we had been storing at my grandmothers house. It's been in an unfinished basement and started growing stuff... if you know what I mean. Yikes! So I cleaned the heck out of it outside. Brought it into my inlaws living room and finally got my crafting things organized. It's almost like a work space. I hope that with my new hours I can find time to really get cracking. My MIL is still pushing my to learn how to use her sewing machine. It's good; I really need the push. It should really help me get my act together and work faster.

Next weekend is Little Misses 11th birthday so we are going to try to go apple picking then, too. Fingers crossed!

Thanks for reading!
Peace & Love,
Emily

Love this stuff

I got scrubs and long sleeved shirts yesterday. Yay! I also got The Bean a Transformers backpack. I thought it would be good to use as a diaper/toy bag. He can wear it and feel like a big boy. And I can have another arm free. Then we went to my girlfriends house. The Bean had passed out in the car even though it was so early in the day. So we decided to get everything together and go to the park for lunch and some playtime for our boys. The Bean woke up right before we left, but had no appetite for lunch. It was probably just because he preferred to run around the park instead of eating his sammie. We stayed for two hours at Caumsett State Park in Huntington, NY. It's one of our favorites and really close to my friends place. We have a NYS Pass so we don't have to pay to go in. It's a pretty large place. There are horse stables (you have to be a member or own a horse there or something to get in), a walled-in garden, a 3 mile paved run, hiking trails and three houses on the property. The largest house is at the top of the large somewhat rolling hills a mile and a half up the paved walk and overlooks part of the Long Island Sound. It is very nice and a lovely way to spend part of the day. Yesterday we just sat in the garden near the entrance of the park and let the boys have fun running through the bushes, smelling the flowers, crunching leaves and getting dirty. My friends son turned 1 about 5 months ago. So The Bean is just about 6 months older than him. They are getting closer and recognize each other and play together (sort of). My friends son is the same size as The Bean so it's pretty perfect. He can stand up for himself to my little beast most of the time.

The Bean (in red) and his Buddy

Future BFFs

Giving his Buddy a helping hand.

They both looked at the same time. Quite the accomplishment.

Buzz buzz...

After the park, we dropped off our friends and headed to pick up Daddy from work. I thought for sure he was going to conk out in the car, but to my dismay he was still full of energy. When we eventually got back home, I went to bed and my fiance went to pick up Little Misses birthday present. (Did I mention this already? Apparently the notebook my fiance's parents got for her was previously owned unbeknownst to them, and even had a username and password on it! Needless to say, they returned it and so, had to get a new one.) He took The Bean with him to the store and I am told he fell asleep so soundly on the way there that he didn't wake up the entire time they were in the store. Which, of course affected his bedtime. Yippie.

Today is supposed to be nice, too. So my friend and I agreed to get together again. Maybe we will actually get a chance to get to the fabric store. And the park again, because it is always such a hit. I prefer the ones without the jungle gyms right now because it allows The Bean to use his imagination and find things to do. I don't care if he gets dirty at all. That's what baths are for, right?!  We had both forgotten that we made plans to get together this week with an old high school peer who is visiting from Canada with her daughter. For some reason we both thought it was next week. In fact, we were supposed to make plans with her for Monday or yesterday. Yikes! Maybe we will be able to get together with her today. She leaves tomorrow so I think she will probably be busy. I feel terrible about it. I was looking forward to seeing her and meeting her daughter.

My dad said he received my letter. And he told me to keep the car I was going to fix and give back to him. Or sell it and keep the money. I spoke with my fiance regarding it. I think we should keep it since it would be nice for him to have his own car again. We have to see what insurance would be like for him. If we can't afford it, then maybe we should cut our losses and sell the darn thing. Though I would feel badly about it, being that it was my moms and all, albeit briefly.

I am really looking forward to having a regular schedule. Not only will it help me be less tired, be able to exercise more and eat better, but it will give me time to be more productive and crafty. I need to get my ass together on this if I want to go anywhere with it. It's been a month since I was supposed to "really get working on this" and I haven't. Unacceptable to me. Then I wonder if maybe I am taking on too much, with the clothing thing, the holiday crafts, the baking everything from scratch, the chronicle journal for The Bean, the blog, my plan to add exercise into my routine, plus personal relationships, working full time and taking care of The Bean. Perhaps I just need to budget my time better and say to myself: On Mondays I do this, Tuesdays this, Wednesdays this... and so on. Give myself set hours where I can work on whatever it is that I want to do on each set day. And then stick to it.

Sidenote: I think it will be a big relief in my life to not work this overnight job anymore. These hours are exhausting. I think it will come down to - I will work this weekend and that will have to be it. 4 hours of sleep over a 48 hour period of time is unacceptable to me. There is no reason I should put myself through that. I was going to come into work one shift while my manager is here and speak with her, but maybe I will write her another letter. Perhaps in person is more professional though. Hmm....

Well, thanks for reading!
Peace & Love,
Emily

Saucey Apples

One of my favorite things about this time of year (October through December) is that I get in the mood to do a lot of baking and sometimes cook. I'm not the greatest baker or cook, but I can follow a recipe, I know what I like and I know what other people like. So generally what I make comes out good, if it's a good recipe. Well I have really hit the jackpot recently with recipes. My New York Cheesecake came out delicious, the Maple Cheesecake with cranberry-pear glazed topping came out even better and, most recently, the maple applesauce I made Monday afternoon is just outstanding.

***It took about 4 hours to make from start to finish. And it made about 6 cups of applesauce. I was looking for the recipe online, but sometimes magazines don't post them so you would have to buy the publishing. Annoying for the purpose of sharing. Essentially though, it was just under a peck of apples (about 8 to 10 pounds worth), 2 cups of water, 10 inches worth of cinnamon stick; cook 35-45 min (I let them go longer); take out cinn. sticks; push apples through a sieve; add 1 cup real maple syrup; bring back to boil and VOILA! Yumminess. ***

I am also going to try a brown butter and sage applesauce. That's going to be phenomenal, too. I only have two pecks of apples left though. So I'll prep some apples for pies and if I have left overs, I'll try the new sauce. I am certain that I will need more apples this season though. At the apple orchard, each peck cost $10 and a peck is supposed to be 10.5 pounds. So by the calculation, I have to see what the best bet is: but some at a local market and hope they are as fresh as they claim, or go back apple picking. It's not that I would mind, I prefer to go upstate for the u-pick stuff, but I don't know that I can afford another trip up... especially just to pick apples. I recently read that apples at supermarkets are, on average, 14 months old. I was appalled and saddened. There are so many recipes I want to try though. I came across some other really good ones last night also. I've got about 25 recipes that I want to try. My problem is that the ingredients and other supplies start to cost a lot very quickly. Though it is generally less expensive than buying everyone gifts, it makes it difficult to try everything because you have to give baked gifts fresh, so I can't make things now and save them until the holidays. Though I may do mostly mini apple pies, so I am planning on prep-ing the filling and the pie crusts separately now (or soon) and then freezing everything until I am ready to put them together.

We won't only be giving baked goods as gifts. We are also making picture frames for immediate family. I've got some visions in my mind. We can't afford big gifts, and to be honest, I really don't like the idea of buying people expensive gifts for the holidays. I think it really misses the point of the season, which to me is about celebrating family and friends and helping others. Which is why I want to sign Little Miss and I up for volunteer work at a soup kitchen through the holiday season; maybe make it a weekly or bi-weekly thing throughout the year. I'd like to teach her, and The Bean when he is old enough, that 1. there are those less fortunate, and 2. people don't only need help at the holidays, but yearlong as well. It's just so hard to find the time sometimes with the kids and family plans and finding a sitter. Those are just sorry excuses though.

Little Misses 11th birthday is in less than 2 weeks, as is The Bean's. We got her some clothes and her grandparents want to get her a notebook laptop. I'm sure she will get more from others but that is a huge gift from them. We aren't actually buying anything for The Bean. I'm making an ice cream cake. And we just got him all these new clothes. A few people asked what he wanted. He's too young to want anything. But I told them we were thinking of getting him a tricycle or a wagon that attaches like a trailer to the back of the parents bike. Or a combo birthday-christmas gift and get him a playhouse, like the Little Tykes kind. They are expensive though. The ones we like are easily $600. But I don't like the idea of getting one now or soon because it will be so cold soon and I think he'll get more use in the Spring. But the idea is "what would it hurt to get it early" I guess. It's a lot of money for us though. Perhaps just something to save for; maybe save a bit longer and get a big one. Though if we save too long, by the time we might be able to afford the big one we will probably be ready to move out, and then what would really be the point by then anyway.

Looking forward to getting some scrubs for the new job tomorrow! Yay! I start Monday with a long day - 9am to 7pm. Longer than I anticipated. So now I have to talk to my manager and let her know that I won't be able to last as long as I thought and she'll have to hire someone. There is no way I can be at work Sunday at 11pm, when I won't be getting to bed until 8pm that night (because my fiance will now have to work Sundays); then work until 7am, go to the doctors office 9am to 7pm, then get to sleep around 8pm again to work the overnight Monday night 11pm to 7am and work 9am to 4pm Tuesday. That would mean I'd be lucky to get 4 hours of sleep over a 48 hour period of time. That's really demanding a lot of myself. I guess we will see what happens.

Thanks for reading.
Peace & Love,
Emily

Ups & Downs

Sometimes people tend to think "why does this always happen to me?" when things don't go right or as planned. But in my experience, most people forget about all the good in their lives while the bad is going on. It makes sense, of course. Something negative happens and you think "damn..." and it puts a person in a bad mood. Then they think of negative things and dwell on them instead of making a point to remember and focus on the happy things in life. I think people forget how to be happy sometimes. With all negative media coverage from politics to sports to celebrity gossip to local news, a lot of times it feels like there is nothing to be happy about. It's important to make your own happiness though. Helping others gives a wonderful feeling of fulfillment and gratitude for the things you have. Spending time outside enjoying mother nature and fresh air can make you happy. Reading a book or playing with your (or a friend/family members) child(ren). Giving someone a meaningful hug or having a conversation with a good friend. Happiness is about finding the joy in all the little things that make life complete... and not forgetting about them. Anyone can feel sorry for themselves when times are tough, and it takes courage to pick yourself up when you are feeling down, but it's amazing how good it feels to be positive.


My weekend recap: After a late start on Friday morning, we made it upstate to visit with my best friend. We took advantage of the nice and relatively warm weather and decided to take the kids apple picking that afternoon instead of Saturday. It was loads of fun, minus all the mosquitos from the recent rainfall and subsequent stagnant water. I think we would have stayed longer had it been less buggy. Still, we left with 5 pecks of apples, 3 mums, 2 fresh cider jugs and 1 jar of apple butter. The flowers, cider and apple butter were for BFF, as well as 2 of the pecks of apples.

Then we went back to her place (after getting lost by the Shawangunk Mountains), got changed and brought 4 of the 5 kids to her mother-in-laws. Then the two of us plus my tuckered little boy went to the welcome reception for alumni weekend at my college. The campus looks great and I take huge pride in the new science hall. I alo found out that the science department has gotten enormous since I left, with science being one of the top 5 majors at the school. Woop woop. I am such a nerd. Anyway, my mentor and former advisor showed us around and we caught up and reminisced a bit. He is great with kids and seemed to adore The Bean. We left, grabbed the kids, who apparently had all already passed out, and headed back to her place. Saturday morning we all got up btwn 6am and 8am. My BFF's husband made breakfast, everyone ate, their oldest went to religious education and I took The Bean and Little Miss along with my god-daughter over to the college for a science experiment thing for the kids. Then the rest of them met up with us at a puppet show and we headed to a bbq. There was face painting, sand art, tie-dye puzzles and a photo booth. They all had a great time and I got to catch up with a couple more professors. Then we left to run a few errands, including to the sueprmarket to grab ingredients for maple cheesecake. We made two. We tried the first one and, of course, it was super yummy. I also had picked up a magazine for idea for "food gifts" for this holiday season. So I am going to try some of them with any luck.

While we were away my future MIL was finally released from the hospital. She is happy to be home and I am glad she is feeling better and more comfortable. She is taking this week off to recouperate and rest. I was happy to hear it because she likes to push herself too hard. And before we left, I washed the kids clothes that I've been making. I wanted to see what would happen if someone threw them in the wash (even though they should be handwashed). The three things that I thought would fall off, did. So I wasn't surprised. And I was only mildly disappointed. Now I have to figure out how to get these appliques to stay on. But that is why I put them in the machine to begin with; to see how they would hold up and fix any problems. My future MIL has really been a positive push for me with it. She keeps me motivated and gives me new ideas. She wants me to pull out her sewing machine and really get some things done. I think she knows her art makes her happy and that if I can craft, it would make me happy, too.

I am hoping to see my girlfriend this week and maybe we can get to the fabric store I've been practically dreaming about. I am really looking forward to using fabric to wrap some holiday presents. How cute would that be?! Maybe embroider the gift tags.

Thanks for reading.
Peace & Love,
Emily