This week has been exceedingly long. Work has been very busy. But even with it being nonstop, it felt so slow. And it seems like the more we try to help Little Miss, the more her mother tries to push against us helping her. She took her out of school early last Thursday, didn't send her in on Monday, school was closed on Tuesday for Election day, then took her out early again yesterday and today there was no school for Veteran's Day. In those days she missed class, she missed 3 exams, end of quarter reviews and test prep. Her parents also had a meet the teacher scheduled for this past Monday but her mother didn't go. Her dad found out that she just flat out didn't do a project (another one), this time in Social Studies. When I asked her why, she said "Because I didn't feel like it." Where am I supposed to go with that? Her mother doesn't enforce any of the same values that we have here like 3 square meals a day, daily showers, exercise, a normal sleep pattern (with enough hours of sleep and a healthy sleep environment), and a good education, amongst other things. We are just trying to do what we think is best for Little Miss as we approach each new issue. I am trying to entice her to try a little harder by making a monetary deal with her based on her grades for the second quarter. I told her dad and he was good with it. I mentioned it to her grandmother and she looked at me like 'How dare you?' but simply said "Well that'll never work, but whatever!". Really? I tried to really keep a positive outlook on our situation as much as possible. But it really seems that now I am home the same hours as my in-laws, all the problems are coming out. She really just seems to think that she can do whatever she wants, but they are not her kids. I can't do or say anything too much about Little Miss because, technically, she isn't my daughter. However, when she reprimands my son, that's a whole other can of worms. It's all a very difficult wire to walk. Always being afraid of stepping on this persons toes or that persons toes.
It's a difficult position to be in. Trying to raise your kid and someone elses kid who you have been raising for almost 5 years and love like your own, but in someone elses house. So not only do you have to try to not step on the homeowners toes or let your kids piss them off, but they feel entitled to say and do whatever they want with your kids. But then the one isn't actually yours, so you have to make sure not to piss off the actual parent. So instead of being able to raise my kids how I want to, I have to raise them walking on egg shells. It's really upsetting. I am a great parent. So is my fiance. Sure we may make mistakes sometimes, but so does everyone. I give my son a pretty good amount of freedom, so when he gets in trouble for something I wouldn't punish him for by someone who isn't his parent, is really frustrating. BUT I can't say anything because 1, it's not my family and 2, its not my house.
I can't wait to be able to be back on our own again. I try to tell my fiance how unhappy I am, but I don't want to bring him down either. Just remembering that this is something we are just going through right now and it will be better eventually it keeping me going, but just barely sometimes. Everyone has good days and bad. I can't pick and choose everyone that is in my life like I wish I could. If I could, I'd like to think it'd be a lot better. But then I am sure there would be something else that I complain about so.... I guess I just gotta work with the cards I'm dealt.
Thanks for reading.
Peace & Love,
Emily
Friday, November 11, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
Stresssssssssss
Previous post should have posted as being from October 30th. I guess because I edited it, it changed the date. I dunno...
So this has been such a long week. Work has been extra busy; apparently everyone is sick and MUST see the doctor immediately. We are preparing the go totally electronic. So the transition is causing a bit of extra chaos in the office. I'm trying to just get things going smoothly. I think it might be easy for me since I just started so I am not as used to the old system as everyone else. I am hoping that now (finally) not working the overnights at all, I will get into a normal sleep schedule and finally feel rested.
Today was my younger brothers birthday; he turned 27. Which is weird because it just reminds me that my birthday is less than 6 months away. The only reason I think of it around his birthday is because I am a year and a half younger than my older brother, and a year and a half older than my younger brother. So it's weird to think that he is 27 and I am 28. So we/I want to take him and his girlfriend out for his birthday, but now we might not have a sitter. Actually, it's more like my future MIL might be away this weekend... but she might be staying... so she is leaving us hanging until, oh something like 5 pm tomorrow. It's highly obnoxious.
Halloween was on Monday. Little Misses mother picked her up early to take her trick or treating than complained the next day about it. My fiance put fake tattoos all over The Bean; he looked really adorable... and pretty badass, actually. Little Miss has so much homework, loads of tests and then projects. And she is coming to us after school every day to help her out since she is failing; but her mother insists on picking her up early and therefore it rushes her and she can't get everything done. And I don't trust that she makes her study or finish her work at home. I'm pretty sure her mother posted on facebook the other day that they were watching a movie... at 11am... on a school day. Are you serious?! Let's just keep her out of school while she flunks out? I just don't get it. I wish I did, but I don't. Some things I can understand; but being selfish and NOT putting your child's best interest before your own is something I will never get. It drives me nuts.
It's been a stressful week. I'm not liking this week at all. And I wish I could look forward to the weekends (like everyone else seems to think I should), but if Little Miss didn't have so much work to do all the time, maybe I could rest. She has a lab experiment to finish that she never did. And she has 2 and a half weeks to finish another project. Her topic? Cancer... great. I'm sure her mom will really put effort into helping her with that. So that just puts all of it on her while she is here. Now she doesn't have school on Tuesday of this coming week, so she won't be coming over. And she doesn't have school on Friday either. This week is actually the end of her first quarter. But my fiance wants to go upstate to see his grandmothers headstone that just came in. Which means we won't be able to work on her project over next weekend. And this weekend her grandmother is bringing her to a baby shower. That means that, while it should only be a couple of hours, it will end up ruining the whole day and her progress on the experiment. Then the weekend after Veterans Day, she has a sleepover birthday party that she wants to go to. I know technically we don't have to let her go, but we do want her to socialize and enjoy things here and there, too. I don't want to deprive her of every joy imaginable. It's her first real sleepover. Maybe if we give her like a... "you have to pass all of your tests to go" thing, then she will try harder. BUT if she goes, then it's more time she isn't spending on her project. Which wouldn't be the end of the world if her mom would let her spend more time doing her work here OR make sure she does a good job and does her work at her house. But she doesn't do that and can't be entrusted to do it, even if she is told. Her mother believes "she's in middle school so she is on her own" and that she doesn't need to check her work, go through her backpack/binders/agenda book, etc. I just don't even know... I don't know how to handle this. A lot of people tell me to let my fiance take over more, but he isn't the "school" one. He struggles with it himself. He has his own learning disabilties that he never really overcame. So it's kind of up to me. And I am fine with it... except for being almost underminded because no one follows up on anything or makes her do what she is supposed to do.
I went with my fiance to go get one of our tattoos finished yesterday at our friends shop. He got his done, but it took forever so mine didn't get finished. All I wanted was to feel something other than stress. I really needed it. I need to get out and not be in a rush to get. I need a break, a vacation. I need to have someone take over for a while. Sometimes I wish I didn't care as much as I do. Then I wouldn't be so stressed...
Bah... thanks for reading.
Peace & Love,
Emily
So this has been such a long week. Work has been extra busy; apparently everyone is sick and MUST see the doctor immediately. We are preparing the go totally electronic. So the transition is causing a bit of extra chaos in the office. I'm trying to just get things going smoothly. I think it might be easy for me since I just started so I am not as used to the old system as everyone else. I am hoping that now (finally) not working the overnights at all, I will get into a normal sleep schedule and finally feel rested.
Today was my younger brothers birthday; he turned 27. Which is weird because it just reminds me that my birthday is less than 6 months away. The only reason I think of it around his birthday is because I am a year and a half younger than my older brother, and a year and a half older than my younger brother. So it's weird to think that he is 27 and I am 28. So we/I want to take him and his girlfriend out for his birthday, but now we might not have a sitter. Actually, it's more like my future MIL might be away this weekend... but she might be staying... so she is leaving us hanging until, oh something like 5 pm tomorrow. It's highly obnoxious.
Halloween was on Monday. Little Misses mother picked her up early to take her trick or treating than complained the next day about it. My fiance put fake tattoos all over The Bean; he looked really adorable... and pretty badass, actually. Little Miss has so much homework, loads of tests and then projects. And she is coming to us after school every day to help her out since she is failing; but her mother insists on picking her up early and therefore it rushes her and she can't get everything done. And I don't trust that she makes her study or finish her work at home. I'm pretty sure her mother posted on facebook the other day that they were watching a movie... at 11am... on a school day. Are you serious?! Let's just keep her out of school while she flunks out? I just don't get it. I wish I did, but I don't. Some things I can understand; but being selfish and NOT putting your child's best interest before your own is something I will never get. It drives me nuts.
It's been a stressful week. I'm not liking this week at all. And I wish I could look forward to the weekends (like everyone else seems to think I should), but if Little Miss didn't have so much work to do all the time, maybe I could rest. She has a lab experiment to finish that she never did. And she has 2 and a half weeks to finish another project. Her topic? Cancer... great. I'm sure her mom will really put effort into helping her with that. So that just puts all of it on her while she is here. Now she doesn't have school on Tuesday of this coming week, so she won't be coming over. And she doesn't have school on Friday either. This week is actually the end of her first quarter. But my fiance wants to go upstate to see his grandmothers headstone that just came in. Which means we won't be able to work on her project over next weekend. And this weekend her grandmother is bringing her to a baby shower. That means that, while it should only be a couple of hours, it will end up ruining the whole day and her progress on the experiment. Then the weekend after Veterans Day, she has a sleepover birthday party that she wants to go to. I know technically we don't have to let her go, but we do want her to socialize and enjoy things here and there, too. I don't want to deprive her of every joy imaginable. It's her first real sleepover. Maybe if we give her like a... "you have to pass all of your tests to go" thing, then she will try harder. BUT if she goes, then it's more time she isn't spending on her project. Which wouldn't be the end of the world if her mom would let her spend more time doing her work here OR make sure she does a good job and does her work at her house. But she doesn't do that and can't be entrusted to do it, even if she is told. Her mother believes "she's in middle school so she is on her own" and that she doesn't need to check her work, go through her backpack/binders/agenda book, etc. I just don't even know... I don't know how to handle this. A lot of people tell me to let my fiance take over more, but he isn't the "school" one. He struggles with it himself. He has his own learning disabilties that he never really overcame. So it's kind of up to me. And I am fine with it... except for being almost underminded because no one follows up on anything or makes her do what she is supposed to do.
I went with my fiance to go get one of our tattoos finished yesterday at our friends shop. He got his done, but it took forever so mine didn't get finished. All I wanted was to feel something other than stress. I really needed it. I need to get out and not be in a rush to get. I need a break, a vacation. I need to have someone take over for a while. Sometimes I wish I didn't care as much as I do. Then I wouldn't be so stressed...
Bah... thanks for reading.
Peace & Love,
Emily
Long days and not quite as long nights
Well I did it. I finally wrote my hotel job managers a note saying that this coming Thursday is my last day. Which really makes this overnight my last shift. I got my job around the 1st. So that means that I gave them an entire month to find someone. On top of that, I gave them an additional 3 weeks from my original "last day" date. I think that is pretty fair. I still feel bad, like I am leaving them hanging. But I also feel like if I didn't do this, then it would have continued for weeks and they wouldn't try to find someone until I forced them into this same spot. But what I think is a little rude is that no one from the entire management team has said anything to me about leaving, no well wishes or take cares or thanks for working here. I'm glad to be moving on, but especially because it will be better for me in the long run. Goodbye, HGI. Hello, Promising Future!
Thanks for reading.
Peace & Love,
Emily
Thanks for reading.
Peace & Love,
Emily
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