Support is important. I always knew it was important, but I don't think I ever realized how important it really is. I never really let anyone help me, from carrying groceries in the house (no, I can handle all twelve bags on my own with a kid on my hip) to staying up all hours in college because I didn't see the point of study groups. So it's kind of a new concept for me. I'm very "I can do it on my own; I don't need anyone's help". Very bull-headed, stubborn. So when we moved into my future in-laws house at the end of May, it was very disheartening for me. It was not only a huge blow to my ego, but really made me fear for my relationship. I was so afraid that we wouldn't survive living in his parents house. I was nervous that on top of the financial strain we were/are under, that his family influence would really keep me down. It took me a while, but I have started to let go of the controls a little bit. And in letting go, it means I had to let people help me. I had to really stop thinking that people trying to help me was them putting me down and thinking I couldn't do it on my own, but more them wanting to help me succeed. I had to let others, almost rely on them, to watch The Bean so I could get a couple hours of shut eye when my fiance had a late night at work. That was really hard for me. Coming from a position where I was a SAHM and the main person in my sons life, to "letting go of the reigns" and letting his (oh my gosh) father take care of him (what a concept), to letting family who adore him take care of him for a few hours. And wouldn't you know it, my kid survived! How nutty! I really feel like I need to be in control of things. And by "things" I mean everything in my life. And I guess when it all boils down, that isn't fair. To me or anyone else in my life. So, I've been letting go and letting people in, which means I've been more open. So I have been giving my future family more of a chance instead of putting a blockade on my ears and not listening to anything they have to say about anything and thinking I know better. My future MIL has been a big support in everything I do. From my crafts, to my decisions with my son and step-daughter, to my work and my relationship with her son. She understands my point of view more than I ever thought she would. I always felt like I really wanted a MIL that would be like a second mom. And for a long time, I never gave her to opportunity. But I am so happy to say that, once I finally opened my eyes (and my heart), that is exactly what I have. I am so grateful for her. At this point, I don't know what I would do without her. So here is a big "Thank you" to my future MIL.
I start the new job in 3 hours. Yay! 10 hours at the office, a couple hours of sleep and then my last overnight shift (followed by another day at the office). I'm so excited to start, but am more looking forward to Wednesday and Thursday when I won't be so exhausted. It's going to be great. The only downfall is... I will miss my son so much!! :(
Thanks for reading!
Peace & Love,
Emily
No comments:
Post a Comment