Just another day in paradise

The more I slack in writing, the more I feel like other things begin slacking. I feel worse about the situations I am dealing with when I am not writing. I suppose this has become more of an online diary than anything else, which is not what I intended initially. At the beginning, I couldn't pinpoint exactly what I wanted for this blog. And I suppose I still can't. But I know that blabbering about daily nonsense was not it.

I feel like it's hard to write about the things that make me happy when I have so many other things weighing on me that keep me from those things. I tried to make some crafty holiday presents. I didn't even bother taking photos of them because I was disappointed with how they turned out. Other people complimented me on them, but to me, they were not good enough. This whole autumn/winter so far I have only truly baked maybe once or twice. I made edible gifts and treats, but they were no-bake desserts. Though I made almost 500 and it took me 3 nights plus a morning (total of about 24 hours) to make them, I still wasn't satisfied. The whole idea of making baby clothes has just fallen to the side. And that was really the only thing that would make me feel accomplished at the end of the day. But I felt so defeated that when we put the items through a wash to see if they could be machine washed, most didn't survive. I know it's just a matter of reworking some ideas, but I haven't picked anything up to make baby clothes in a long time.

Little Misses progress report was a little defeating also. We try so hard to help her succeed, but it seems like her teachers aren't really satisfied. They see some improvement, but not much. And she is slacking. But more of the problem is that she is not trying hard in school, she is not paying attention. And we can't control how she behaves when she is not in our care. Unfortunately, her mother started playing games again using her as a pawn. So I really am losing any hope for continued success with her. I shouldn't lose hope so easily, but I am so fed up. We work so hard and then when she is with her mother, everything goes out the window. It makes things so difficult. We aren't trying to damage her relationship with her mother, or take anything away. We just want what is best for Little Miss, and we have shown that we can help her in school more than her going to her mothers right after school. It's frustrating.... I feel like we are swimming against the current.

Culinary school for my fiance is coming up quick. The Bean is going to have to start day care. And our income is going to be staying the same. I don't know how we are going to make it.

Thanks for reading.
Peace & Love,
Emily